21. Emotions or Christ?

“For I resolved to know nothing while I was with you except Jesus Christ and Him crucified.”
1 Corinthians 2:2

Lord, I pray that You will guard my heart against falling in love with Your blessings here on earth. When I am in love with you because You produce Joy in my heart or when I seek You because You bless me with every physical need, it is then that I neglect Your saving work on the cross and develop nothing more than a superficial relationship with You my Lord. It is shallow at best when our relationship is based on my emotional stimuli or acts of desperation. When the good feelings are gone, when the blessing are hidden, where is my faith then? Where is my relationship with You Jesus, if it’s not in Your suffering? Am I no better than the seed that was planted along rocky soil, receiving the word with joy but lacking root (Mark 4:16-17)? Lord, conform my heart to the riches of Your glory. To be abiding in You during emotional destitution, faithful to You when enduring injustice, and obedient to You at the risk of my own health or reputation. To not fall in love with the experiences I have had in You, but to be firmly rooted in all doctrinal truth that Your word has revealed. Established forever in the faithful God who alone has the power and authority to save not only my life here on earth, but also my soul in eternity to come. The glory is Yours God, teach me to demonstrate the new life with my deeds, and may I too resolve to know nothing except You and Your crucifixion.

20. In Christ Alone

Who can say “I have made my heart clean,
I am pure of my sin.”?
Proverbs 20:9

Anytime I think that there is another way to You Lord, other than the work of Your Son on the cross, I commit treason. If I ever justify my sin instead of confess it; if I ever feed my pride with self appreciation instead of trusting you for my salvation; if I ever rely on self-sufficiency in my false righteousness instead of admitting my utter inability to save my soul, than I make a mockery of the cross. If Your dying was not absolutely necessary, than Your act of dying was nothing short of foolishness. But the only thing foolish about that thought is the thought itself! For if there was another way to You Jesus, than You would have come to earth to reveal that way, and to encourage us to walk in that way. But You came to die for my many sins. Salvation is found in no one else, for there is no other name under heaven given to men by which we must be saved (Acts 4:12). It is the beautiful fusion of perfect love and divine wrath portrayed on the cross that leaves us lost in wonder of Your mercy and grace. You are the way and the Truth and the Life. No one comes to the Father except through You (John 14:6). Thank You for providing that way, may we spend the days of lives in complete surrender to the awesome power of Your sacrifice, trusting in Your grace alone, knowing full well that You are the only way.

For God was pleased to have all his fullness dwell in him, and through him to reconcile to himself all things, whether things on earth or things in heaven, by making peace through his blood, shed on the cross.
Colossians 1:19-20

19. Psalm 19:7-14

"The law of the LORD is perfect, reviving the soul.
The statutes of the LORD are trustworthy, making wise the simple.
The precepts of the LORD are right, giving joy to the heart.

The commands of the LORD are radiant, giving light to the eyes.
The fear of the LORD is pure, enduring forever.

The ordinances of the LORD are sure and altogether righteous.

They are more precious than gold, than much pure gold;

they are sweeter than honey, than honey from the comb.

By them is your servant warned;

in keeping them there is great reward.

Who can discern his errors?

Forgive my hidden faults.
Keep your servant also from willful sins;

may they not rule over me.

Then will I be blameless, innocent of great transgression.

May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight,

O LORD, my Rock and my Redeemer."

Word of God speak.

Amen.

18. Refiners fire

“The refining pot is for silver and the furnace for gold,
but the LORD test the heart.”
Proverbs 17:3

You alone test my heart, to place it in the furnace of your love and to purify it. Like a precious metal so my heart is in your hands, full of impurity from the life I have lived, but slowing being refined by Your fire into Your image. Who can understand Your ways? Who is wise enough to know the plans You have for our lives? Are not all things in Your hands, are not all circumstances ordained by You Sovereign Lord? I often believe that You are in control when things are easy-going and I am blessed, but when calamity reaches out and takes hold of me, then my heart is tested, revealing the truth that I am not as faithful as I once thought. Yet You are my Comforter, an ever-present help in trouble (psalm 46:1). You cause Your sun to rise on the evil and the good, and You send rain on the righteous and the unrighteous (Matthew 5:45). But You will never leave us nor forsake us (Hebrews 13:5) so i can trust in You. Your plans are bigger than me, and they are bigger than all I can imagine. Remind me of Your great faithfulness that I may praise You in all circumstances knowing that You, Almighty God, are in complete control. Use me in all situations to bring forth glory and honor to Your kingdom, to stop living for myself, which has been nothing but a waste of time, and train me to live for You alone. You are The Rock, a safe foundation, may I stand on You alone, then truly I will not be shaken. For all are safe in the shelter of Your love! May I reside there all the days of my life, in service to You; Maker of new hearts, Force behind passions, Drive unto righteousness; my God the one and Only Jesus Christ, redeemer of my soul.

"The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged."

Deuteronomy 31:8

17. Self Sufficiency Is Death

“I am the vine, you are the branches. He who abides in Me, and I in him, bears much fruit; for without Me you can do nothing.”
John 15:5

Without You I can do nothing. I have often tried to live the christian life by my own merit, working my way into “christian” character; no good has come. I can fake the walk only long enough until my needs are not met and I give up on trying and selfishness takes over. Why Lord? Knowing that all sufficiency is in You alone, knowing that apart from You I am nothing but a dead branch, knowing these things why do I than try to produce fruit by my own effort? The fruit I try to bear is nothing more than wax fruit; which is good for nothing. True fruit that brings life into the lives of others comes from You alone. Thank You Jesus for doing the seemingly impossible inside my heart. Lord, remind me that I am but a branch without You. Teach me to rely on You for all fulfillment and to not look for other sources of life. You are the source of life, and therefore I am entirely dependent on You for life. I have tried living on my own for myself, it brought nothing but destruction. Self sufficiency has led only to my death, as are the wages of all sin. Even now, if I take my eyes off of You for just a moment, than I once again fall ashamed on my face in sin. Only trust and abiding in You can keep this heart pure, only You have the power to bear fruit in me. Write it on my heart, that I may worship the Vine and not the fruit, that I glorify the Giver and not the gifts. Draw me close to You, and use me as you please.

16. My Pride.

“Pride goes before destruction,
and a haughty spirit before a fall.”
Proverbs 16:18

Jesus, after a talk with a friend You have given me a better understanding of myself. My pride, my idolatry, my self worship... all competing for Your glory. You tell me to deny myself and take up my cross daily and follow You and if I desire to save my life than I will lose it (Matthew 16:24-25a). To deny myself? To give up on my life, and forsake everything I thought I ever wanted... to run from anything that is against Your holy and perfect will for my life. It all sounds so easy, but its not, its my cross, to say 'not my will but your be done' is the most difficult thing i have to do, yet i must do it. I have lived for myself and still do, it has brought nothing but pain and suffering and a life apart from You. All joy and peace on earth is found in You, to not live for You is foolishness. You are Lord, and I can do all things since You provide the strength. Lord, look deep into my soul, purge me of all unrighteousness and cleanse me form my secret faults. The more I seek you, the more I realize how much my righteousness is nothing but filthy rags (Isaiah 64:6). I am dead apart from Your love, lost without Your sacrifice. If you had not died on the cross to offer me the free gift of salvation, I would be a dead man. Change this heart, O God, make it new. Transform it from the deposit of garbage that it has become and renew it into a wellspring of life. My heart is stagnant and putrid in my sin, save me and lead me to my knees in surrender. Thank You, Jesus, that it is by Your righteousness pored out on us that we may fall before You and worship at Your feet. May I die to myself and honor You all the days of my life never to disown You, only to serve. Please put to death the man I am and begin to live in me once again.

“O my soul, you have said to the LORD,
You are my Lord,
My goodness is nothing apart from You.”
Psalm 16:2
Amen.

15. Worthlessness

“What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? Thanks be to God—through Jesus Christ our Lord!”
Romans 7:24-25

I cannot understand Your love for me. It makes sense when I am obedient, I can almost grasp it when I am living in the Spirit. But when I am defiant, and rebellious... than Your love seems like a fairytale to me, how could anyone love this man who does evil in Your sight, and does it purposefully, carried away by my own lust to fulfill the desires of my flesh... how can it be Lord? To say that You died for me only when I am good is a lie, for there is none who does good, no not one (psalm 14:3). To say You came to save the righteous is not true either, for You came not to call the righteous, but sinners (mark 2:17). There is nothing inside of me that is able to please You, for those controlled by the sinful nature cannot please God (Romans 8:8). What must I do? If I go by my own strength than I become self righteous, and that is a one way ticket to Hell. But to lean on You, sweet refuge of my soul, Why would I abandon the shelter of Your wings to stand in the middle of a storm? Only to be tossed around by the wind and chaos around me? Foolish man! You ARE the foundation of all who believe! You ARE the only way to the father! You ARE the Spirit by which we live and the only means to live apart from sin! You are the true vine and we are nothing but branches, apart from You I can do nothing (John 15:5). Salvation had NOTHING to do with me, apart from the work of Your cross i am dead in my sins, Glory to You who died to save that which was lost.

“But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”
Romans 5:8

Such love for someone so undeserving. What can I do but fall on my knees and thank You.
When the day is over, and my sin is all I see, the blood of the Lamb washes over me. Let it be said amidst a sinful generation, that the Lord God is righteous in all he does, Justice and Love are His to claim. Glory to God, You alone are good.

“The LORD is righteous, yet I rebelled against his command.”
Lamentations 1:18

14. My Insanity

“Against You, You only, have I sinned and done what is evil in Your sight, so that You are proved right when You speak and justified when You judge.”

Psalm 51:4

How do I call You King, or Lord, when I spit in Your face? When I take the blood of Your Son and toss it to the ground? What do I do with myself when I set Your glory aside for filthy rags? I have sinned against You lord and I am disgusted with myself. When I deliberately choose to disobey You, to defy You, To nail You to the cross again for my choices.... what do I do with myself? Self pity is worthless, guilt does not describe the shame I feel, that I who for such a short time have walked in obedience would now choose to spit in the face of the only One who loves me so much. What evil is there within my flesh! Take it from me, for I don't want to sin, I don't want to feel this way. I Choose to take Your truth and throw it out the window, I prefer the lie and in my flesh I want to rebel against You. JESUS, how can I follow You if my heart says that I don't?! There is insanity within my mind and a whirlwind within my heart, I can not bear it. This is the choice of Sin and I would rather die than choose it. But this is not the last time I will choose it... Jesus, take me, heal me, have mercy on me, I am a broken, twisted individual and I want out! Save me from my addictions, save me and be Lord of my life, I can not live life alone, for than I live life for myself and end up hating You with my actions.... Live in me, lest I die in my sin.

13. When I Feel Alone

“How long, O LORD? Will You forget me forever? How long will You hide Your face from me?”
Psalm 13:1

Often have I wondered the same questions against You my Lord. In my own questioning I lacked the faith and trust in You to get me through the valley, I wanted my problems fixed and I wanted them fixed right away. Thank You for unanswered prayers, for had I had my way than I would not have listened to Your call of mercy and would have continued in my despair; living for myself. Jesus it is so easy to follow You on the mountain, when the bills are paid and I have security in my relationships. But when I lose the security I have in frivolous things than it is for a moment in time that I have a choice; die in my insecurity or trust in You. O how sweet it is to trust in You Jesus. To taste first hand the glory of Your forgiveness and the wonder of Your love towards us! Thank You, for Your mercy is able to overcome my sins. O what joy there is in serving the One True God. You are not like me, You are not discouraged because of my faults, You are thick-skinned and not an emotional wreck, You are Victorious, Perfect, Blameless, Righteous, Good, Glorious, Holy, Just, Love. I thank You for not giving up on me, for all the wrong I have done, You never let go and have never abandoned me. Rather, it is Your sweet grace that has been my only comfort in times of emptiness. When tears were my food day and night and I swam in my tears while I lay down to sleep (psalm 42), You were with me than. When I was no longer with my first love, if love it could be called, and sat in a bath tub ready to take my life, You were with me than. When I reached the deepest darkest level of my immorality and shame, You were with me than. Though distant in character You have never been distant in person. When the sorrows come again, when the sadness overwhelms me in my human frailty, may I look back at Your tender mercies and as the psalmist said, may I also say...

“But I have trusted in Your mercy; my heart shall rejoice in Your salvation.”

Palsm 13:5

12. My Idolatry!

“Whoever loves instruction loves knowledge,
But he who hates correction is stupid.”
Proverbs 12:1

How often I have hated Your correction, provoking You to chastise me more. But You never chastise more than is absolutely necessary, for You are loving and full of mercy, You do not delight in evil but rejoice in truth. You discipline me as much as I need until I turn from my sin and return to You. Yet I remain stubborn and prideful, and You break me of my stupidity lest I become one who hates You. But I do not hate You Lord, no, but the opposite, I love You and Your law is good. In all patience, doing whatever was needed to break this mule, You have taken Your time to lead me into perfection with You. Not that I am perfect or perfectly broken, but that You are Perfect and You poor Yourself on me filling my spirit with Your goodness. Thank You.

“Therefore put to death your members which are on the earth: fornication, uncleanness, passion, evil desire, and covetousness, which is idolatry.”
Colossians 3:5

“...and how you turned to God, and idols to serve the living and true God, and to wait for His Son from heaven, whom he raised from the dead, even Jesus who delivers us from the wrath to come.”
1 Thessalonians 1:9b-10

Jesus, God of my redemption, I can not wrap my mind around Your love; it is beyond the realms of my understanding. If I commit fornication, if I covet, if I do anything that is in rebellion to Your word I commit idolatry. Any time I choose to follow my opinion or emotions instead of Your holy word, than I worship myself and become an idolater. Yet You, Lord are merciful and gracious, slow to anger, abounding in mercy (Psalm 103:8). What mercy You have shown this idolater! Thank You! Jesus capture the eyes of my heart and redirect my focus, from and inward selfish man of idolatry into a man after Your own heart and entirely devoted to the service of You my King. You can do all things, it is You who has brought me to where I am now, and You will lead me further still until I am taken home to be with You. Draw me unto sanctification, make me Yours; a devoted solder for the sake of the Cross. Thank You, Thank You, … Thank You.

11. Examine my Heart

“But now you yourselves are to put off all these: anger, wrath, malice, blasphemy, filthy language out of your mouth. Do not lie to one another, since you have put off the old man with his deeds, and have put on the new man who is renewed in knowledge according to the image of Him (Jesus Christ) who created him”
Colossians 3:8-10

Anger: A deep, smoldering bitterness.
Wrath: A sudden outburst of sinful anger.
Malice: General moral evil.
Blasphemy: better translated slander,

“Therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, put on tender mercies, kindness, humility, meekness, longsuffering; bearing with one another, and forgiving one another, if anyone has a complaint against another; even as Christ forgave you, so you also must do.”
Colossians 3:12-13

Tender mercies: rendered a “heart of compassion”
Kindness: Goodness towards others that pervades the entire person.
Humility: a lowliness of mind,
Meekness: gentleness, it is the willingness to suffer injury or insult rather than inflict such hurts.
Longsuffering: Patience that endures injustice and troublesome circumstances with hope for coming relief.

Almighty God, Your word states time and again that love for You and of You is obedience to Your commands. And Your commandments are not burdensome (1 John 5:3). On the contrary, Your yoke is easy and Your burden is light. (Matthew 11:30). Yet Your commands are completely against my nature and counter cultural to everything I have ever been taught. How true are Your words when speaking of Yourself saying, “You are from beneath; I am from above. You are of this world; I am not of this world.” (John 8:23). You are certainly not of this world, but the Creator God, founder of all that exists. O good and perfect Light of the world, shine brightly into the deepest secrets of my heart. How can I expect to live according to Your pattern if I am secretly walking in my own? Remove me from the path of destruction and place me on the narrow road that passes through the narrow gate that I may enter into Your holy presence, and be where you are. Lord You are not deceived, and You are not mocked, Your eyes see and Your ears hear all that goes on in the depth of my soul, for You look at the heart! (1 Samuel 16:7). Examine my heart, and purify me of all unrighteousness. Should You, and You shall, find something that is displeasing to You, than I humbly ask that You reveal in to me that I may be rid of it and bring You and offering worthy of Your acceptance and love. How gracious are You Almighty God, and how great is Your love towards us! That even while I was still a sinner You chose to die for me. (Romans 5:8).

What can I bring the King who possesses in one hand the universe and in the other my heart? What gift can I bring to Him who has given me the gift of life and eternal life thereafter? What can I offer to You the Christ, Son of God, who redeemed me to Yourself and purchased my soul with currency of blood?

I bring You my gratitude and my services to do Your will and love You all the days of my life. In all humility before The One and Only God I present my body, a living sacrifice (Rom 12:1), that which You already own. I submit to Your ways, give me the strength to obey You, and the desire to know You. You are my Lord, my goodness is nothing apart from You. (Psalm 16:2)

10. My Untamed Tongue

“But no man can tame the tongue. It is unruly evil, full of deadly poison.”
James 3:8

“In the Multitude of Words sin is not lacking,
But he who restrains his lips is wise.”
Proverbs 10:19

“But those things which proceed out of the mouth come from the heart, and they defile a man.
For out of the heart proceed evil thoughts, murders, adulteries, fornications, thefts, false witness, blasphemies.”
Matthew 15:18-19

“A good man out of the good treasure of his heart brings forth good;
and an evil man out of the evil treasure of his heart brings forth evil.
For out of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaks.”
Luke 6:45

Jesus, All through out your scripture you speak against the false speech of the unbeliever and the unwise. Time and time again have I not fallen into such a category? Have not my words pierced the hearts of many who have heard their destructive voice return to the one attacked? I have ruined relationships for lack of self control. I have broken hearts for having a loose tongue.

Gossip is to talk about the affairs or private life of another individual.
Slander is to pass along lies that, with intent or not, ruin another's reputations.
And if I am not doing either one of these things against another, but I am only “sharing” my burden, than I am complaining against that person or against You my Lord. At the base of all things it is SIN!

When I gossip or slander I put down another persons reputation and take on the role of judge, while there is only one judge and that is You my king, not myself. Should I than watch my speech by not naming names or pointing fingers, am I not than only complaining of my current circumstance? That of which you are in full control of, sovereign in all You do. You are not blind or on vacation, but are with me in every moment of my life; You have not forsaken me. But is my speech a reflection of the goodness You have be doing in my heart? Am I a blabbering fool who runs his mouth at the expense of others? Lord write it on the tablet of my heart to be obedient to You in seeking to live a life of wisdom and a speech that does no thing but honor You Jesus. I desire a tongue that does two things, Honors You my King with every word, and does not speak badly or falsely about anyone else. Remind me through out my day to avoid such conversation that even my lips would be good and pleasing to your ears.
Amen.

9. Proverbs 9

Proverbs 9

There is a comparison between “The Way of Wisdom” and “The Way of Folly”. Wisdom is hard working, and prepares herself for whatever event is about to happen, being ready in the moment. While folly is loud and clamorous, lazy in sitting around doing nothing productive. Both call out from the high places of places (perhaps the mind) to the simple and him who lacks understanding. Wisdom calls to “forsake foolishness and live” and folly that “stolen water is sweet, and bread eaten in secret is pleasant.” Again this is likely to refer to all the other calls of the foolish woman for a sexually adulterous life, claiming that what God says "no" to is actually good, once again trying to make God out to be the liar, when in fact He is Truth.

“That you may be filled with the knowledge of His will in all wisdom and spiritual understanding; that you may walk worthy of the Lord, fully pleasing Him, being fruitful in every good work and increasing in the knowledge of God; Strengthened with all might, according to His glorious power, for all patience and longsuffering with joy; giving thanks to the Father who has qualified us to be partakers of the inheritance of the saints in the light.”
Colossians 1:9-12

Lord, of what knowledge do I have? Do I posses the understanding to rightly divide Your holy word? I do not feel qualified to make a statement about many, if not all things of Your truth. Teach me Your truth, teach me Your ways and grant me wisdom and understanding that is from You. Teach me to live responsibly that I may rightly honor You and bring You glory. That I too might walk worthy of You my Lord, fully pleasing You.

8. Contentment In Christ Alone

Contentment

Early this morning the pastor opened up to 1 Timothy 6. A message spoken to my heart yesterday, but not readily applied.

Lord I thank You that You take the time to allow Your word to sink deeply into my heart. Yesterday I read Your scriptures and saw Your desire for me to have a heart of contentment with where I am in my life, but all the day long i experienced one bad insecurity after another. And it left me in a battle to find security in You, a battle otherwise lost, were it not for Your compassion and grace with me. I Thank You Lord that you are never far off, when I am lost You are always near to me, safety and all rest is found in You Jesus. Today I hear the message again, “Jason, be content,” its loud and clear Lord.

“Now godliness with contentment is great gain.”
1 Timothy 6:6

As opposed to the previous verse where godliness is thought of as a means of gain, or profit. I have often thought to myself, “If I love You, Jesus, and try really hard not to sin, than my business will grow,” or, “If I search after You with all my heart, than You will bless me with a wife.” Though You may bless me for doing such things, is what I want truly Your blessing? Do I honestly want a wife and kids to honor You and bring glory to You by living responsibly with my family as an example to a fallen world? Or do I just want them for my own use and need for self-fulfillment? Do I want my business to grow in order to give you glory and worship you? Or do I want more money, perhaps even the praise of men for what “I've” accomplished. Your eyes penetrate deeply into my heart, and as I prayed this morning Lord I ask You again, tear my heart wide open, reveal to me the truths about myself, I neither desire to lie to You, be it even possible as You know all things, neither (though the more likely of the two) do I desire to deceive myself and therefore live in constant hypocrisy.

“And having food and clothing, with these we shall be content.”
1 Timothy 6:8

Food, shelter, clothing, it is all enough. In You I have redemption through Your blood, the forgiveness of sins, according to the riches of Your grace (Eph 1:7). That he who believes in You has everlasting life (John 6:47). That You my heavenly Father know that I need all these (food and clothing)... Therefore You comfort me and command me not to worry about tomorrow (Matt 6:32;34a). Your grace is pored out on me, Your love abounds in me, Your are my redeemed relationship to the Father, yet my flesh wants more. O what a selfish man I am. In my greed I do not see You as the sufficiency of my soul; Lord I repent of such wickedness. When I am in want, I covet. When I am lonely I want a relationship. When I am insulted I retaliate. Why? All for lack of contentment. You have blessed me with all spiritual blessings (Eph 1:3). And these three things I have: food, shelter and clothing. Lord who will save me from my wickedness and discontent for all you have blessed with me, as ALL my blessing are from You. Change this heart of stone i pray, and give me a heart of flesh; one that honors You.

“But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you.”
Matthew 6:33

“But this I say: He who sows sparingly will also reap sparingly, and he who sows bountifully will also reap bountifully. So let each one give as he purposes in his heart, not grudgingly or of necessity; for God loves a cheerful giver. And God is able to make all grace abound toward you, that you, always having all sufficiency in all things, may have an abundance for ever good work.”
2 Corinthians 9:6-8

A greatful and giving heart i do desire.

Thank You Jesus, for all You have blessed me with.

7. Save Me from Anxiety

“Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.”
Philippians 4:6-7

“Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above” (James 1:17). It all comes from You Lord. It is on my heart to be a father and a husband, to have for myself a wife to love and be loved by. But I see so much more room for necessary growth in my life. I do not want to end up with the wrong person, neither do I want to get into a relationship for the wrong reasons. Right now I see many things in my own heart that are unhealthy for any relationship. Certainly being in a relationship to fulfill my deeper felt needs is a wrong reason. I want my relationship to be built around holiness, one that has a single minded focus, and that is how close can we draw to You together.

I do not have to be anxious because You are trustworthy, and I can rest assure that You hear my prayers and are attentive to them. You have a plan for my future and my obedience to Your plan is my hearts desire. Please grant me the peace that You promise Lord, that I may fully rest in the knowledge that You have everything under control. Allow my spirit to be content with all things in life, so whether poor or rich, in love or alone, popular or hated, may I be content in my life in all things, giving You the glory and thanks for all provisions. And how am I to not worry about the things of this world? By being obedient to Your word, and by meditating on the things that are of you,

“Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy—meditate on these things.”
Philippians 4:8

I Want to Know You.

“Yet indeed I also count all things loss for the excellence of the knowledge of Christ Jesus my Lord, for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and count them as rubbish, that I may gain Christ and be found in Him,... that I may know Him and the power of His resurrection.”
Philippians 8-9a;10

How sweet is the surrender that is in You Jesus, that I may know You deeper. You have collided with my life and have torn my heart out of darkness; consuming me by the light of Your glory! You change an unchangeable heart, You fix the pieces of a broken spirit. O Lord I praise You for Your continual long-suffering, You had never given up on me, but slowly in Your perfect timing You called me to seek You, and when I traveled but an inch towards You, by Your great compassion You reached out across space and time and took hold of me; indeed nothing can separate us from Your love! Lord that I might know you better, keep my life in all purity and far from the path of destruction that I may serve and honor you in righteous integrity. “Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path.” Psalm 119:105. The things of this world are passing away, but Your word lasts forever, draw me to Your heart and teach me your unsearchable ways.

“Whoever commits adultery with a woman lacks understanding;
He who does so destroys his own soul.
Wounds and dishonor he will get,
And his reproach will not be wiped away.”
Proverbs 6:32;33

I of all men have demonstrated in my life that I lack understanding, first hand I have stood by allowing sin to destroy my very soul, and for what? The pleasures of this life are fleeting, and nothing that is not blessed by You, O God, will last; it will all be utterly destroyed. Jesus I see now the truth of my situation, how my relationships have been ones of self worship and worship of a woman. I lacked all praise for You but was filled with poetry for her, I in no way honored you, but I worshiped her, a king of fools am I. But You did not give up, You have not walked away or thrown in the towel, I was lost in my iniquities yet You were ever searching, ever pursuing, ever calling me back into Your light and forgiveness. May I never abide in another, but remain in the only rest my soul has been searching for all the days of my life; You are my eternal rest. Take my life and do as You desire, for I too desire everything that is from You, for You are good and all that comes from You leads me to You and I have a longing to be closer to You. O Jesus, precious Majesty, draw me close into your arms and hold me forever. Amen

5. Open My Eyes

“Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind (humility) let each esteem others better that himself. Let each of you look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others.”
Philippians 2:3-4

Lord you know my heart it rests in the palms of your hand, you know and understand it better than I. Selfishness is the common thread that has weaved its way in and out of my life. Living in sin, deliberate disobedience, living in idolatry for myself, what a fool I've been, “How I've hated instruction, and my heart despised correction!” (Prov 5:12) Yet You, O God of all mercy, You call me back to Your paths. You laid down the foundations of my paths, and by Your understanding You created them, and by Your wisdom and grace You led me to them and guide me through them. It is You who called me out of death, it is You who draws me unto salvation. I have no thing to boast of in myself, the only thing I have done is submit to You, but even submission is from You, Giver of all good things. For even faithfulness is a fruit of the Spirit (Gal 5:23) and all fruits come from You the True Vine (John 15:5). I have sinned against You my King, in living in all forms of selfishness and have not worked to bring glory to Your name. Teach me and continue to guide me down Your paths that in following You I may present myself “a living sacrifice, holy, (and) acceptable to You” (Rom 12:1).

“Do all things without complaining and disputing, that you may become blameless and innocent, children of God without fault in the midst of a crooked and perverse generation, among whom you shine as lights in the world, holding fast the word of life...”
Philippians 2:14-16a

Why does one complain who has a relationship with You my Lord? The answer is simple, I have not yet put completely to death the desires of my flesh, but all who are in You will do so as your word describes (Gal 5:24). I complain because I forget what an amazing wealth of goodness there is in You. You who give me joy in knowing my salvation is secure and my sins are forgiven. You who gives me peace that transcends all understanding and penetrates my heart in my darkest moments. It is through Your mercies we are not consumed, because Your compassion's fail not. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. (Lamen 3:22;23) But when my eyes are fixed on the problem and not on You sovereign Lord, that is when I fail to see Your faithfulness and Your hand in all this life. Open my infected eyes to Your good works, let me be not blind to Your blessings in my life, open them that they may see the greatness of Your love towards me, that I may praise You all the days of my life. Amen

4. You Never Let Go

Keep your heart with all diligence,
For out of it spring the issues of life.
Put away from you a deceitful mouth,
And put perverse lips far from you.
Let your eyes look straight ahead,
And your eyelids look right before you.
Ponder the path of your feet,
And let all your ways be established.
Do not turn to the right or the left;
Remove your foot from evil.
Proverbs 4:23-27

Lord Jesus, I thank You that You have shown me the grace by being patient long enough with me that I should respond, in due time, to Your continuous call for holiness. How often have I veered to the left or turned to the right towards something that seemed so attractive at the time? Should I have only known that what I sought led to my death and destruction, should I have known. Though I did know, and I listened to the father of lies still more. But as my sin abounded, grace abounded much more (Romans 5:20), and more and more, my Lord, until it was Your kindness that led me to repentance. Yes your kindness, even in the way You chastened me, for even Your chastening is by Your love (Proverbs 4:12). Praise be to You sweet Jesus, who will leave all You have to find Your lost sheep who has left the path of understanding. Lord fix my eyes upon you, and guide me down the path of understanding and wisdom, lead my heart in the direction of Your life and transform me by renewing my mind and spirit. I see even now in my life how easily I am distracted by the very thing that is most harmful to me at this time, the sexual body of females. How swift my eyes are prone to wander and my heart to lose its focus. I know I am not ready for a relationship that is even able to make an attempt at blessing and honoring you, so I dare to stay away. Yet I see temptation where ever I look, guide my eyes to be fixed directly in front of me that I may look only to you and praise you with an honest worship. It is the integrity of an upright life that I desire to honor you with. I have full faith knowing, that You who have begun a good work in me will complete it (Phil 2:6). Amen.

3. Marriage "Im not ready"

Marriage

Lord You know my hearts desire to be a husband, yet none of my relationships have ever been in your will. “Flee sexual immorality” (1 Cor 6:18) Your servant would say, but I did not flee. When the pressure was on, when I had an opportunity to either please myself or You O God, I chose to please myself. How could I be so blind? At times my intentions were pure, but I so foolishly led myself down the path to destruction. But You Lord, You remained faithful through it all, convicting my heart, and calling me out of the darkness and into Your light. The covetous attitude I presented was nothing more than greed and self worship... change my heart, in such a way that worshiping you becomes the greatest focus of my life and the only desire of my heart.

“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also love the church and gave Himself for her, that he might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the sword.”
Ephesians 5:25-26

“Love the Lord with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength.”
Deuteronomy 6:5

Love, a selfless sacrifice for the good of the one loved. Lord what greater love could I show You or my spouse than to present to You a holy relationship. I should seek no greater goal in my life than to keep the one I love as far from sin as I can. I failed at that as you know. Yet I praise You, O merciful God, You do not treat me as my sins deserve, or repay me according to my iniquities (Psalm 103:10). By your mercy and grace I pray that you Train me in the way I should go, so when I am old I will not depart from it (Proverbs 22:6) O Lord of my life, teach me your ways, Sanctify me by Your word, Your word (alone) is truth. (John 17:17) I desire to know Your truth and to live by it, but I know my works are futile and my desires are hopeless if it is not made complete in You, as all things are incomplete until made complete by You. I have a long way to go before I am able to love a woman in such a holy manner, pleasing to You. I pray that you prepare me to be such a man to the one you have in store for me. This is the cry of my heart, that you

Show me Your ways, O LORD;
Teach me your paths.
Lead me in Your truth and teach me,
For You are the God of my salvation;
On You I wait all the day

Psalm 25:4-5

“Since divine love seeks to completely cleanse those who are loved from every form of sin and evil, a Christian husband should not be able to bear the thought of anything sinful in the life of his wife that displeases God. His greatest desire for her should be that she become perfectly conformed to Christ, so he leads her to purity.” John MacArthur

2. My Wicked Heart

“If indeed you have heard Him and have been taught by Him, as the truth is in Jesus: that you put off, concerning your former conduct, the old man which grows corrupt according to the deceitful lusts, and be renewed in the spirit of your mind.”
Ephesians 4:21-23

Lord You are the truth by which all things live, for truly outside of You and Your grace “I am dead in my trespasses and sins” (eph 2:1). You call me to change the conduct of my mind O Lord, to practice forms of self control and to rely on Your good mercy to change my heart and conduct. My former man is dead in You, and in You alone do I have the opportunity to live according to the Spirit. Yet I am at war, for though he, my old man, is dead, I live in a fallen world which always wants to deceive unto sin. And should I believe the deception for one moment, it is than that I am “drawn away by my own desire” (James 1:14), and I sin against You my Lord, Lover of my soul.

The speech of the new man should be without these things,
“Therefore, putting away lies, let each one of you speak truth with his neighbor...”
Corrupt words (foul language, lewd conversations...)
“Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth...”
“but what is good for necessary edification, that it may impart grace to the hearers.”

Our conduct should be without the following as well, (Ephesians 4:31)
Bitterness (resentment)
Wrath (Rage, Passion of the moment intense anger)
Anger (Internal hostility)
Clamor (Outcry of strife out of control.)
Evil Speaking (Slander, which is a form of judgment)
Malice (evil)

Lord change me of such conduct. My heart is deceptive and desperately wicked (Jeremiah 17:9). Bitterness, gossip and slander have filled my tongue. Who can save me from myself but You Jesus? No other name has the power to save me from the deception of my own soul, no one has the power to convict me of my sin and than give me the strength to repent but You alone. I know you can fix this broken heart, I know that you can remove my bitterness, my anger, my sin. And I know that it is You alone who can change my heart that I live according to Your Spirit. May it be O Lord, change this heart of mine, to honor you, in the mundane, activities of daily living, living by your grace, for the glory of your name.

1. Pillars of Faith

The Sermon on Sunday was out of the book of 1st John. Our guest pastor mentioned to the congregation three things that are absolutely fundamental to the christian faith, three character traits that serve as evidence and proof of true saving faith.

They are,
Belief
Obedience
Love

I ought to believe because You, O Lord, are trustworthy and dependable. The bible has been proven historically, ethically, morally and prophetically. Jesus You said in John 17:17 “Sanctify them by your truth. Your word is truth.” Since You, God, are dependable, I than know also that every promise You make You will also keep. You are true to Your promises and do not lie. So I than believe because I know I can trust You and the things You say You will do - You will do.
I ought to obey because You, God, are righteous, good, and above all You are Lord. You do ask what is at times most difficult and can often indeed thought of as impossible (although “For with God nothing will be impossible” Luke 1:37) Yet my obedience is good, because it is through my obedience that I begin to reflect the perfect nature of a righteous God. And so I ought to obey, because You command me too. Though I do not always understand why, I do, and You will bless me because of it. Proverbs 3:5-6 “Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths.”
“We love Him because He first loved us” 1 John 4:19. And I ought to love the community of brothers because I am commanded to do so. 1 John 5:1 “Whoever believes that Jesus is the Christ in born of God, and everyone who love Him who begot also loves him who is begotten by Him.” Here lies another example of what is impossible to do with out God's help, but I can have faith knowing that You do offer help. If I trust that You, Jesus, showed the example of love, that You set the standard of love, and paid the price of true love, than I can have the faith to believe that you will also provide the means for me to love as you love. You being the “Author and Finisher of our faith” (hebrews 12:2) I know that You will finish the good work You started here.

This morning my heart was convicted again during the Tuesday morning Bible study our church offers.

You Lord have established realms of authority,
The Family
The Church
The Government (Bosses, Masters, Teachers, Politicians...etc.)

Your heart is that I obey You in all circumstances. Here is an area of my life where I am in disobedience, my heart is often filled with pride and I do not easily submit to those who you have placed in charge of my life. I know You are with me where ever I go, for You say “I am with you always, even to the end of the age.” A promise, as all your words are promises, that I can trust and believe. When I am unjustly persecuted, so were You, when I am unkindly treated, so were You. And since You are with me always, through the thick of life, than I can trust that You are aware of all my circumstances, You are holding my hand through them all. What a fool I have been to not trust in You O God. You have not called me to a life of worldly riches or one of fame and glory, but rather to a humble life of obedience and submission. Though times be unfair and unkind, You are just and the One who justifies all who have been wronged.
“For by grace you have been saved through faith, and this not of yourself; it is the gift of God. Not of works, lest anyone should boast.” (Eph. 2:8-9). You provided the faith in the beginning that even led me unto Your salvation, for indeed it was You all these many years who has been knocking on the door of my heart (Rev 3:20). I can trust that you will also continue to provide the faith necessary for me to be obedient to the life you have called me to live. Let your word rest in my heart, that I may be obedient to You in all circumstance, as You see what is done is secret and in truth.

“Bondservants, be obedient to those who are your masters according to the flesh, with fear and trembling, in sincerity of heart, as to Christ. Not with eyeservice, as men-pleasers, but as bondservants of Christ, doing the will of God from the heart, with goodwill doing service, as to the Lord, and not unto men, knowing that whatever good anyone does, he will receive the same from the Lord, whether he is slave or free.”
Ephesians 6:6