“Against You, You only, have I sinned and done what is evil in Your sight, so that You are proved right when You speak and justified when You judge.”
Psalm 51:4
How do I call You King, or Lord, when I spit in Your face? When I take the blood of Your Son and toss it to the ground? What do I do with myself when I set Your glory aside for filthy rags? I have sinned against You lord and I am disgusted with myself. When I deliberately choose to disobey You, to defy You, To nail You to the cross again for my choices.... what do I do with myself? Self pity is worthless, guilt does not describe the shame I feel, that I who for such a short time have walked in obedience would now choose to spit in the face of the only One who loves me so much. What evil is there within my flesh! Take it from me, for I don't want to sin, I don't want to feel this way. I Choose to take Your truth and throw it out the window, I prefer the lie and in my flesh I want to rebel against You. JESUS, how can I follow You if my heart says that I don't?! There is insanity within my mind and a whirlwind within my heart, I can not bear it. This is the choice of Sin and I would rather die than choose it. But this is not the last time I will choose it... Jesus, take me, heal me, have mercy on me, I am a broken, twisted individual and I want out! Save me from my addictions, save me and be Lord of my life, I can not live life alone, for than I live life for myself and end up hating You with my actions.... Live in me, lest I die in my sin.
