What do i do my King! For my heart aches within my being and its beats are the rhythm of sorrow. For i have given up on my lost love to seek and find another, to move beyond my past in a life where i chose not to obey You, where i chose not to love You. But my heart will not follow, i desire to move on but my heart is disobedient to me. Lord You have my heart! Lead it where You desire, tell it where to go! For it will not listen to me. I still love her, my heart wants to be reunited with her my emotions tell me that much is true, they remind me that i want to marry her. But how! How could i go back to a life where i chose to disobey You? It is true that You have the power to change hearts, to heal wounds and to mend broken bones. Mend my broken heart my Lord! And not mine only, but hers also. I do not want to live a life that disobeys You. And history reminds me that if i run back to her than i will run from You. I am in tears Jesus, crying in confusion and lost in direction. I love her, but i cannot live a life without You, and i don't know if i can combine the two. So i try to move on, but my heart wont follow my lead. So i will wait on You my God, You have been faithful all my life and have never once left me before, You are here with me now. You know my pain, and You know better what it means to be alone. So i turn to You, to wait with You, guide me and be my strength, my hope is in You, no one else can help me in this.
Soon my joy will be restored, for i have seen darker days, and in those days You restored me to bliss. By Your word my soul has been revived from depths deeper than now, i look ahead to see my broken heart restored. But not my heart only, bless her with the Joy of Your salvation, heal her in ways we could never imagine, remove the guilt of our past from the pains of her heart and bring her the healing that comes from You alone, a healing that is eternal. Be blessed my King, and be happy to heal Your beloved children, we adore You and seek You all our days.
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ReplyDeleteI have read and reread this story of yours. What have you two done that is so bad that God cannot forgive it? Does he not want you to love a person or just not this one? You said that you cannot love her and God both because you turn away from God with her. Does she cause you to fall into sin and if so you should run from her. You have said twice that you want to move on. Is it that she has caused you to be a person you are not and someone else would be better for you? I read your pain here and it sounds like you have loved her very much but now you want to get away from her. Do you feel she is the one for you why would God not want that? God does not destroy relationships He wants your hearts desire as you have said so many times in your writings. God heals hearts and wounds and brings joy into the lives of people who want it. So, if she is not the right one for you and she does cause you to sin takes you down the road to whatever than by all means get away from her. She may just may need prayer to turn from her sinful ways and God can do that for her. I like reading your writings. You have away with words. I hear sorrow and joy and anger. Your stories are good. I will keep reading them. I hope you can work out your feelings for this girl. You sound like you loved her. Ok, I know this is not my buisness but it was just so romantic and sad.
ReplyDeleteI`m sorry to have taken so long to reply to your post, it was not until today that i even realized that i had any posts.
ReplyDeleteShe was a wonderful girl, and i love her still, i am unsure what God has in store for our relationship and am honestly struggling with that myself. I would like to be with her, but the realtionship it self was not something i would want to be in for the rest of my life, only because of the circumstances. Honestly the sinner, was myself. I feel like i had dragged her into the things that we delved into. Though the actual act of sin was not often, it was the focus of my life. i would hope that God would reunite our hearts one day, but i want more than anything ot please Him. i guess you could say i am waiting on Him for guideance at this point. I certainly have must more to consider.