75. I must Trust You

What a mess, O Lord, What a wreck i am to be,
When I lean not on your mercy Lord, but place my trust in me.
Tears of pain, laughter and joy; emotionally unstable,
When I close me eyes and turn my gaze away from "Him who is able."

Fix my eyes on you Lord, i need a proper perspective. I need Your touch to be closer than a brother, I need the intimacy with You that i had once enjoyed. I lack consistency inside me and I'm being torn in all directions. Truly, it could be said that i feel stretched and thin, yes, thin; with no depth to my person. Obviously overworked, and exhausted from my day, but tired from the exercise i am not, neither could it be said that i am sleepy. No, this exhaustion is deeper than the skin, deeper than bone and marrow, my exhaustion is in the my soul. Have mercy on my Jesus, and fill me with your Spirit. Refresh the man inside me that longs for Your perfect peace and the joy of my salvation. Restore me to the man i have once known who loved to be dependent on You and sought after Your grace. I know why i am the way i am, its not mystery, i have taken my eyes off of you and have concerned myself with the things of this earth, the things that have no eternal value, and i have placed my affections on the concerns of these matters and it has left me empty. Are not all things frivolous and vanity when compared to You and Your love for me? So why do i bother? what makes me think this world has anything better to offer? You offer eternal life, You offer perfect harmony. All the promises of this world end up as empty lies, so why do i bother? what causes my eyes to drift form love so pure and seek that which is not of You? I have no answer, foolishness is my guess.

God Save Me! Or i will destroy myself. I am dehydrated apart from You, empty without You. I know you are there, and i know You are not far from me, for even now in my searching, You are with me, even now in my questioning, in my seeking for answers to my problems, You indeed are with me. What more could i want, what more could i ask for than the infinite love that You offer me, more than any other. So true are the lyrics to that Hymn "On Christ the Solid Rock i stand, all other ground is seeking sand." There is none other who can bring peace to the restlessness within my heart, this searching, this yearning within me, its for YOU. So find me Lord as i seek You, make haste to be with me, for my knees are week and i lack strength for the day. You are my Strength, my only hope in times of trouble. If not by You than i am lost and without You im a walking corpse. You are my life, my source of life and i am indeed breathless without You. I am waiting Lord, restore Your servant, I need You, Jesus i need You...